I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me . I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.

Virginia Satir

He was smooth...charming...kinda cute even. But it wasnt that. It was his voice. A voice that caressed your soul and touched the very core of your being. A voice that radiated innocence, the kind that made you feel good and pure inside and yet somehow one that was seductive as hell. I should have listened to my mama when she told me not to be fooled but how did i know that this treacherous heart would so easily be deceived? If I could talk to him I'd say , " You don't exist to me anymore. You're like a stranger , the only difference is I'd give a stranger a chance" And that would be so true.

But I would also say is "There's so many things to tell you,left unsaid until now... Can you hear me when I talk to you? I'd give anything if I just knew.

I search through my memories , hoping to find something but its all tarnished...all corroded by what happened. It hurts to know that you can be replaced so quickly...so thoughtlessly. That my feelings, so precious to me, were so carelessly flung aside.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you vulnerable. It opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you, worse even that you let someone in and they can mess you up. You put up all these defences based on experience, you build a wall, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a part of you. They didn't ask for it...they probably didn't even want it. They did something dumb one day, like smile at you or hug you, and then just like that, with a flutter of the heart, your life wasn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. .So a simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' shatters your suddenly oh-so-fragile heart into a million pieces .It eats your insides and leaves you crying in the darkness, leaves you all alone. It hurts.No not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. But scars heal and pain goes in mere minutes. Its over and I'm happy. My life's a dance. Sometimes I may not be in rhythm but at least I gave it a whirl! And I'm proud of me "

I wonder tho...why does he still persist in my life? Why does he play games...and he does. He doesn't want me in his life. He doesn't need me. (That i feel the same goes without doubt) He told me so in no uncertain terms. And yet he wants to know if I'll be there...Hmmm...I wonder....

sumone told me the other day that they knew sumone like me....and that caught me by surprise...my entire life ive been led to believe that im different...so much so that i chose to be different....revel in my uniqueness....

but are any of us as alone as we think we r? or are there wandering souls with their hand's stretched out ....waiting.....waiting....

No my friend,darkness is not everywhere,for here n there I find faces illuminated from within;paper lanterns among the dark trees- C. Borge

It still exists...laughter...light...pure souls who cleanse u
Deep down i know it exists...I need to feel it...goodness....

I've tried so hard to live it...one day it'll all come rite...one day

ob·ses·sion n.
1.Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.
2. A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion.

ad·dic·tion n.

1. The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something.
2. An instance of this: had an addiction for fast cars.

of the past:
I am a dreamer.Let me wake....U can't break my spirit. its my dreams you take...dreams based on no solid foundation. so they fell down all around me....and all i could do was stand and watch. there was only stillness...dark emptiness...in the recesses of which burnt a small flame that threatened to die out...wanting SO much to be rekindled...TO COME ALIVE...to consume this mind and soul.
of the present:
And then i dared hope. But in true me style i obsessed. Not that i really wanted it...Did I? I wasn't sure...I doubt it...But I obsessed n i let go when i didnt get what i wanted...How could I let him go? ...sumone hu taught me how to feel again...how much do i owe him...? how could i let him go? my friend... my confidante

pride...and so the fall shall come...n i will lose..yet again i will lose.

goodbye me....

How is it possible that we are responsible for our own downfall? How is it that the people who truly make us unhappy are ourselves?

Is the way we feel a choice we make? There are those who feel nothing...those filled with numbness.... hu yearn to be alive again...be passionate about things. And yet there are those who feel too much...so much that it hurts...feel for others...feel every emotion so acutely....How then do we reach the happy medium? Not just with emotion but with actions....Being impulsive ....or being too laid back...? Which is the way to go?

Is niceness rewarded? What if you have so much to give...but no one wants to take it?

i want to feel wanted...to be needed....and being myself is clearly not the answer....goodbye me........

Ah newbies!

lol i was reading sumone's entries...in fact the entries of sumone who had just come across this wonderful thing called the blog...ah excitement poured out of every sentence...i mean wat have we hear...an online JOURNAL OF SORTS...thats people mite ACTUALLY read it! o im actually quite good at this they think......sumone mite read this and sign me up...IM BRILLIANT!..

sigh that is until they venture upon funnier, more cynical bloggers..and they realise...well that they are actually CRAP.

ah the enthusiasm of blog virgins does bring a smile to my face.