what it means to be south east asian

N.B. this includes, what it means to be a south east asian living in the west, what it means to be a south east asian returning to south east asia for a holiday, what it means to be a south east asian muslim and what it means to be a south east asian female.

being south east asian means u are able;

- to make curries out of everything...including brussel sprouts

- to pack a 30 kg suitcase wen ur going for the weekend instead of a carrier bag like other normal human beings

- to watch tamil and hindi movies and actually understand and scarily enuff EVEN BELIEVE whats goin on

- to pronounce words any way u want. this is a privelege of being brown...and u can get away with it because ur accents so bad people laugh.

- to know u have the best of both worlds...ur neither white nor black...ur beige... the whole world longs to be you (or so we tell ourselves to get thru the day)

- to buy everything on offer at the supermarket . WHY? coz its on offer ...IT MUST BE A DEAL even tho u know u've NEVER used that brand before and didnt really have any intention of doing so.

- to pack 15 people into an rickshaw meant for 4 and then yell at the driver coz he cant keep the vehicle straight

- to smack ur kids wen their naughty. hell in the words of russell peters," asian parents will beat their kids...asian parents will kill their kids if they have to. their theory is, 'if i kill one i can always make another one.'"

- to name all 3 million people who attended your next door neighbours wedding. not just this but u are also able to remember every scandalous thing they have done.

- to have all the relations say how westernised u are coz u wear jeans from next rather than elasticated trousers from the local tacky clothes shop

- to visit places that havent heard of baskin robins / ben and jerry's/ hdaaz (this was trauma)

- to sit quietly and agree with relations who talk about politics in the most uneducated manner, without tearing every last strand of hair out

- to never carry out a conversation without using ur hands. this is a very important part of the non verbal aspect of communication. a long time ago all south east asians were deaf and had to use hands. when these gestures are not used people stare at u with retarded expressions.

- to cook for the 28 people that turn up daily without calling before hand. actually 40 people are the expected norm. 28 is a blessing.

a true asian

-has experienced at least one power/water cut in his/her lifetime

-has had a major fite with one of the relations and refuses to look their way anymore

-thinks nothing of opening other peoples lingerie drawers and rifling thru their stuff

- cannot take a cooking lesson unless she wants to openly claim she is ready to get married

- enjoys tea that is made with so much sugar its actually syrup

- has a maid or is a maid.

- buys bucket loads of chocolate for their family wen they return to the mother land from the west EVEN THOUGH its cheaper in the east.

- muslim eats out at least thrice a weak (or twice on the weekends)

- muslim man wears a hankerchief on his head coz his aim is to embarass his western relations or he has forgotten his prayer cap

- gets his daughter married in order to let her leave the country to gain an education

-says yes men , no men, bend in half men and TRULYYYYYYY?!?!?!

- mix english and whatever other language they speak so much so that they don't notice the difference

- eats biriyani with jam!

-lives 2 eat, lives 2 eat and did i mention lives to eat

im asian...and proud......